holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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