The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
