She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
