Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
