There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
