I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
