so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
