"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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