i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Randomize
