i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
