How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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