end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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