ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
