I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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