70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
