So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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