i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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