she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Ketchup is God's man juice
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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