So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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