please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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