his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
