Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
