I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
