I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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