I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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