what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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