piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
