i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
