Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
