Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
then he tried to convert me to islam
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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