Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Damn victory sex feels great
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