Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
