I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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