I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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