i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
