allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Randomize
