That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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