I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
