Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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