ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
