Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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