i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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