Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
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