Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
i out mim tonsoeep
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
