Yo dont text me then not text me
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
