Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
