I'm so fucking centered right now
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
