I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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