i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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