The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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